The ChrysaLIST

I can't stop looking at this image. After a lengthy search, it's the one I finally selected to represent the close of the first Chrysalis Year. I'm just thrilled with it. It's so perfectly demonstrative. Except, as I was living it it seemed a whole lot messier. This photo makes the evolution process appear so clear cut and defined. But what's a true evolution without a little oozing from pod to gluey pod, thinking you've broken free from one, only to find you've gotta spend yet more time incubating in the same oppressive embrace you were positive you'd outgrown? I'm still trying to identify which of the five stages I'm at. I'm pretty sure I'm no longer opaque and green, but neither am I touching the tips of razor-thin wings to my four walls, plotting an escape. In time, right?

I've just re-read my launch post where I promised to chronicle the good, bad and ugly bits of my massive overhaul while peppering it all with a little cultural commentary and a few witty asides. What sort of amazes me is that while I was on board for a year of change, I had no idea which massive icebergs would actually shift and how quickly the river would rush in as soon as I'd made enough space. Some things are forever altered, some remain agonizingly unchanged, but this is for certain, one Chrysalis Year after my initial post I'm still walking upright...in a country I've never visited.

In honor of end-of-year list cliches, I will raise my glass of chompers and offer mine, a simple ChrysaLIST of hard-earned truths at the end of this year of change. After all, I love champagne...and I am not above cliches. Not at all.

1.) It's just a simple truth that finding a New York apartment will nearly kill you. And when you find a good one, you won't leave it until a.) you're married, b.) a baby runs you out or c.) all of your pictures have left 8' x 10', permanent smoky indentations on the wall you painted gray...or peach...or sage...

2.) It's just a simple truth that every piece of journalism and commentary you see, hear or read will tell you that getting student loans will now be much harder the year you decide to go back to school. The same will be true the year you finally decide to buy a house or car.

3.) It's just a simple truth that the word "change" is as powerful as the force of high tide. It draws you in, thrusts you forward and scatters you in pieces at the shore. It's hard to remember when you're caught in the undertow that that's the point. Even the tender utterance is considered action. The only condition? You gotta take change on its terms, not on yours. Yeah, that's a hard one to swallow.

4.) It's just a simple truth that leaving the country is the only antidote to our poisoned, sleepy urban blood. This funky Vermont mom I met in Honduras told me over Cuba Libres that travel "rights" her. God, I love that. A good trip is like burning sage inside our heads, restoring us to factory condition.

5.) It's just a simple truth that drinking apple vodka sangria, wearing a furry hat and Russian military jacket in a "subzero" drinking room while dancing to all manner of gypsy stars will make it so that you no longer feel "in your thirties". It's a moral imperative that this is done every few months while wearing that de rigeur Pepto pink lipstick that makes you feel really self conscious.

And perhaps the greatest Chrysalis truth of all? No matter how profound the feat, sacred the moment, or solid the win, the devil's advocate, flip friend and self-involved boss will just never get you. Hey, enigmatic is good--you don't have to share. So, my new answer to the disinterest of the oppressive, frivolous masses? In the words of my immortal beloved, Gogol Bordello, "Well, fuck them! We don't give up."

The fact is, I believe in the power of reinvention. The Chrysalis Year began as a tiny aspiration I was almost too afraid to nurture and unfolded into a story about letting go so that I had room to receive. Nah, I'm still not out of my job and I'm definintely out of my skinny jeans but hey, if I'd done it all in one year this would be a goodbye post.

Thanks for taking the walk with me. If you stick around for more I promise I won't stay the same for long. Please keep me posted on your own Chrysalis experiments. Rest assured, I'll be right there with ya.

Now, let's go finish that champagne.
Happy New Year,
OneKate